Rachel Kiser
Blogger | Mom of Two
If you follow celebrity news or know anyone on social media who is up on pop culture, you probably saw the story about actor Chris Hemsworth (aka THOR!) baking his daughter India a birthday cake. For background’s sake, it was 4 days before her party and their bakery of choice was too full to accept new orders. Hemsworth took matters into his own hands by baking a T-Rex cake for his little girl.
image: Instagram
I’ll cut right to the chase here.
I am in no way going to belittle what this loving dad did for his daughter. That is not what I am about– quite the opposite, actually. My heart would swell to watch my husband do this for our kids. Do I think he was wrong in sharing his masterpiece with the internet? Not even close. Do I think involved parents should be recognized? Absolutely! The issue that has been taken to the plate, that I want to touch on, is the public’s overwhelming response to this act. I’ll give you a hint: because he flexed his baking muscles (ha, ha!) Hemsworth has been repeatedly hailed as, “A real-life superhero” on the internet.
I know a lot of parents worthy of capes, then.
Bunmi Laditan, one of my favorite writers and the voice behind the Honest Toddler, wrote a strongly-worded but articulate post on the matter. Although I hold a milder point of view than she, I find myself nodding in agreement with her. Laditan writes, “Why is it that when a dad does the bare minimum required to parent… he’s given a trophy and a parade? All a dad has to do to be hailed as an incredible parent is stick around and take just a smidgen above the mildest of interest in their kid, post about it online, and they’re #DadGoals for the entire universe.”
She challenges us all in our examination of the way we so often exalt any parental effort on the part of dads but easily fail to notice, or even go so far as to criticize, moms for the very same. “In fact, when a mom does something normal for her kid and shares it, there [are] always more than a few comments about how she could have done it better,” she shares. We are the expected cake-bakers and buyers. Party-planners. Gift-choosers. It’s my thought that, if the tables had been turned, some would have commented, saying, “Why did you wait until 4 days before your daughter’s birthday to put your cake order in, anyway?” or gagged at yet another mom trying to be Pinterest-y.
I’ve lived it. I’ve watched others live it. Our well-meaning gestures are, oftentimes, not enough. We’re hard on ourselves, and we’re fed expectations from every angle.
That’s the rub. In my own life, it looks a little something like this:
Because I am the parent who stays at home with our two children, I obviously find myself in and out of places like grocery stores and malls on a regular basis. Things have to get done, right? It’s a rare day (read: has never happened) when I am met with sycophantic grins and compliments on what a good mother I am just for being out with them. I don’t often (ever) get stopped and asked where Daddy is, or told that I’m a good wife/Mother because I’m spending time with my kids. Honestly, most of the time, the vibe I get as I traverse Kroger or the Gap is You’re fine as long as you and yours stay in line.
On the flip-side, it’s almost laughable what my husband encounters in the outside world when he’s with our brood. He gets sly grins just for having our infant strapped to his chest. Sales ladies bat their eyes at him while they coo over our children– I kid you not. He gets approached every time, without fail, because inquiring minds must know: Are you on baby duty tonight? Giving your wife a night off? How sweet of you to babysit!
Oy. Don’t even get me started on the dads-as-babysitters spiel.
One thing I want to clearly articulate is this: it’s my belief that this happens, in part at least, because of the way we cut down fathers and expect them to mess up. You know how we clap in an exaggerated fashion and exclaim “YAAAAAYYYY!” when our babies do something simple, like waving or throwing a ball? It’s almost like that’s what we, what society, does when a father involves himself in any aspect of child-rearing. We mistakenly don’t expect much at all, so when we see glimmers of something wonderful we go over the top. We make fools of them and of ourselves.
I think the simple act of dedicating yourself to a task in order to bring joy to your child is worthy of respect. Not necessarily acclaim, and certainly not critique. What I’d love to see is neither high praise and reverence for the minimum or criticism on loving attempts. Behind so many parents is years of cakes ordered and baked, post-its in packed lunchboxes, ice cream trips, and books read in silly voices at bedtime. It’s not only the famous or the flashy who should be dubbed superheroes, after all.
What are your thoughts? Do you see differences in parental expectations of dads vs. moms? I’d love to know!
About Rachel Kiser
Rachel is a wife and mother living in Raleigh, North Carolina. She’s a fan of good coffee, wearer of gray t-shirts, and is constantly starting books she will never finish. Her family is her joy, and she loves to engage with other moms and dads on matters of parenting. Her blog posts have also been featured on the Today Show Parenting Blog and Scary Mommy.
View all posts by Rachel Kiser here.
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29 Comments on “Chris Hemsworth Bakes a Cake, and the Double-Standard of Parenting Becomes Apparent”
Love this post,I think it’s great this guy made a cake.My hubby loves doing things like that with kids and now with the grandkids!
Wow! How could Chris Hemsworth be an better!! I guess I missed this on social media…but I think it’s great. He’s not just any dad, so him jumping in & baking his daughter a cake really is a big deal. He’s an actor with a busy schedule & I love that he made the time to do this himself.
It is so special when parents stop the busyness to speak love to their children!
Dads do get more praise for the things we do on a daily basis .. my husband maybe once every few years ventures out with one of our children alone and everyone flocks.
Maybe the encouragement from strangers will accomplish a goal of a little more one-on-one time, right, Bonnie? :)
It’s so wonderful that he baked his daughter a birthday cake by himself and she should feel so special.Most parents go out and just buy one but when it’s coming from the heart it makes it that more special
It is very wonderful that he did this for his daughter, I bet she was so happy! It’s a beautiful thing for a parent to provide a cake for their child’s birthday– whether it come from the store and is beautifully decorated with their favorite character, or made at home with a little quirk :) Thanks for commenting, Teena!
So sweet story and thanks for sharing
Glad you were encouraged by it, Tiffany! It is very sweet.
My husband is an amazing, Dad who is always there for the kids and would happily bake a silly dino cake. I do agree that men get off easy when they have the kids out in public though. If their kids are screaming and throwing things in the grocery aisle….. poor dad, he tries so hard to give Mom a break. If I was with them and they did that I would be blasted as a terrible parent.
Beverly, it’s so hard sometimes, isn’t it? Even when you agree with how amazing your husband is as a father, it can be hard when guilt is placed on your shoulders. Glad you have such a great partner in life in your husband!
We have two grown children (31 & 28). My husband & I really never thought much about who was doing more or less as parents. We both worked. I worked nights, he cared for the children. Dinner, homework, baths, bedtime stories etc. During the day I took over. What even needed to be done. It was never about who did more or less. We were raising our children together! We supported each other in every way possible. I was actually the CubMaster for 7 years. Typically a “Dad’s role” but you do what need to do. It really doesn’t matter in the big picture. Parents supporting each other in raising happy, healthy children is all that’s important.
Ann, I LOVE that!! May we all be so ready to step into the roles that we are able to. Working together to love your kids the best way, together, is the goal.
I love seeing a dad so deeply devoted, hands on, hard working, easy on the eyes. His family is lucky and so is he.
May we all be so lucky as to love one another in the big and little ways, right Melissa?
I agree with a previous poster. Dads get a different type of “praise” and recognition for doing things with their children. My husband picks my son up from preschool every day, I drop him off. Other moms tell me how lucky I am he picks him up and how great of a Dad he is!…..’ I’m lucky that my husband picks his son up?!’ … I don’t get a pat on the back every day for dropping him off while taking my 2 year old with me at 9 months pregnant!
Something about a man doing things for his children makes people gasp in awe!
Great article about making a cake for his daughter!
Kayla, how frustrating!! I mean, on one hand it is great to hear your husband being acknowledged, but on the other, he’s just serving his child and his family as Dad. On a different note, way to share the load together! I’m sure it makes itself apparent in other wonderful ways in your family dynamic, and that’s a beautiful thing.
My husband is an amazing, hands on Dad who is always there for the girls and would happily bake a silly dino cake in an instant but he doesn’t get praise because he doesn’t post it on social media – lol. I do agree that men get off easy when they have the kids out in public though. If their kids are screaming and throwing things in the grocery aisle….. poor dad, he tries so hard to give Mom a break. If I was with them and they did that I would be blasted as a terrible parent :P
Desirae, right? I have felt the shame so many times of my daughter being happy and giggling and being a litttttttle too loud and getting horrible looks. My husband tells me, when she does the same out with him, people think it’s just downright adorable and compliment him on how much fun they’re having together. sigh. … One of those situations where a thick skin is important, and focusing on what REALLY matters is important, too!
I agree that dads seem to get so much more praise than we as moms do. Honestly, it doesn’t matter what society thinks of us or how hard people of Facebook see us try to do things. What really matters is our kids and how hard they see us try, how much we are there for them and how we show them we love them.
Lisa, that deserves an Amen. You’re 100% correct!
Great article! So many times parents who usually do very little…get applauded and woohoo’d for the simplest of things…it just doesn’t seem fair, especially when their counterpart does 10 times as much on a daily basis with no recognition at all. I know we don’t do it for the recognition or kudos, but why cheer the one who ussually does nothing?
Hard questions to ask, Patricia… you’re so right. It can be hard on the heart when you yourself are feeling down and exhausted and stressed. Remember that your kiddos see you, and the bond that develops from a parent showing unconditional and unexhausting love day in and day out is HUGE!
People nowadays are so self centered that they must voice every opinion they have on every picture on Facebook. I’m almost not surprised anymore by people reacting in ridiculous ways. Lol
He is great for making a cake for his daughter and that is simply all that needs to be said.
One of the beautiful (and sometimes dangerous) things about social media is that we do have voices for our experiences. If words that express opinions are able to encourage anyone or offer another point of view, they’ve done their job, don’t you think? Bunmi’s words and opinions are strong, and not my own. But they certainly are something to chew on.
I do agree with you though, Crystal, truly! As far as Chris Hemsworth (and his cake!) are concerned, way to go, dad. a parent being involved and acting for their child’s happiness is such a great thing.
I think that dad’s have roles and mom’s have roles and in your household, everyone decides what their roles are. In some home’s, dad’s like to cook. In some home’s, mom’s like to cook. Whatever works best in your family is great. :) And if my hubby wants to bake a cake for one of our boys birthdays, I say, go for it!
I agree, loucheryl! while I don’t think the story has much to do with roles, per se, I think it has everything to do with parents feeling like they are able to have a desire and ability to love on their kids… because that’s what we should do! That should be encouraged.
I don’t see why something cute and fun has be turned into a social justice issue. Can’t we just accept this photo as a hot guy making something fabulous?
You totally can! That is your prerogative, certainly! It’s a beautiful thing. But if a hot guy making something fabulous can appeal to us AND lead us to appreciate all members of our family unit more fully, why not, right?