Jill Starishevsky
NYC Assistant District Attorney

 

LPP Insider (the Little Pickle Press newsletter) featured this article about Child Sexual Abuse by Jill Starishevsky, Assistant District Attorney in New York City. We found the piece so compelling – and important – that we asked permission to re-post it so we could share it with you. 

10 Myths about Child Sexual Abuse

I have heard all the reasons why parents don’t discuss child sexual abuse prevention with their children. I have heard them so often that I can recite them by heart. I decided it would be a good idea to memorialize the top 10 excuses for not discussing the subject.

1.  Children are seldom victims of sexual abuse.

Actually, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the time they are 18.

Consider those numbers for a moment. They are shocking and devastating. Those figures alone should motivate parents to seek out prevention strategies.

2.  This kind of thing doesn’t happen where we live.

Actually, child sexual abuse has no socio-economic boundaries. It does not care if you are black or white, rich or poor, or what religion you practice.

3.  We don’t let our children go near strangers.

Actually, 93% of all child sexual abuse occurs at the hands of someone known to the child and trusted by the parents.

Even if a child is never around strangers, he or she could be victimized by a neighbor, a coach, a religious official, or family member. Parents who teach only stranger danger are inadvertently leaving their children under-prepared.

4.  My child is not old enough for this discussion.

Actually, the appropriate age to discuss child sexual abuse prevention is when a child is three years old.

The conversation can start as simply as “Did you know that the parts of your body covered by a bathing suit are private and are for no one else to see or touch?” Continue the conversation by explaining to the child that he should tell Mommy, Daddy, or a teacher if someone touches him on those private parts.

Be sure to include any necessary exceptions for potty training, hygiene, and doctor visits.

5.  I don’t want to scare my child.

Actually, when handled properly, children find the message empowering and are not frightened by the topic.

Parents do not refrain from teaching traffic safety for fear that their child will be afraid to cross the street; so too should we address the subject of body safety.

6.  I would know if something happened to my child.

Actually, child sexual abuse is difficult to detect because frequently there are no physical signs of abuse. The emotional and behavioral signs that may accompany sexual abuse can be caused by a variety of triggers.

7.  My child would tell me if something happened to him.

Actually, most children do not immediately disclose when they have been sexually abused.

Contrary to a child who falls down and runs over to tell his parents, a child who has been sexually abused is likely being told not to tell anyone because no one will believe him, that people will say it is his fault, that the disclosure will cause great sadness in the family, or that the behavior is their little secret.

8.  We never leave our child alone with adults.

Actually, children can be sexually abused by other children. The very same lessons that can help prevent children from being sexually abused by adults can keep them safe from other children.

Teach children what kind of touch is appropriate and what is inappropriate, teach them the proper terminology for their private parts, and teach them who they can talk to if anyone touches them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.

9.  I don’t want to put thoughts in her head.

Actually, there is no data to indicate that a child who has been taught about child sexual abuse prevention is more likely to fabricate that they have been sexually abused.

According to Victor Vieth, director of the National Child Protection Training Center at Winona State University, “Children do lie, but seldom about being abused. All human beings can and do lie, but it’s hard for kids to do it about sex. They can’t lie about something they have no knowledge of,” he said, “and children don’t learn about oral sex on Sesame Street.”

10.  It’s not going to happen to my child.

Actually, as the statistics reveal, child sexual abuse is so pervasive that it could happen to any child. Educated, loving parents have actually said this to me.

If one were to ask any parent whose child has been sexually abused if they thought their child would ever be sexually abused, I can guarantee each one would say no.

No one wants to believe this could happen to their child. We need to stop denying that it could happen and recognize that there are ways to prevent it from happening.

Make the decision to talk to your child about sexual abuse prevention in 2013. It could be the greatest gift you ever give them.

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About the Jill Starishevsky

Jill Starishevsky has been an Assistant District Attorney in New York City since 1997, where she has prosecuted thousands of sex offenders and dedicated her career to seeking justice for victims of child abuse and sex crimes.

Her mission to protect children, along with her penchant for poetry, inspired My Body Belongs to Me, a children’s book intended to prevent child sexual abuse by teaching 3 to 8-year-olds their bodies are private.

Jill is also the co-founder of The Innocence Revolution: A Global Initiative to End Child Sexual Abuse, which is held in cities around the world. Featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Jill is a prevention specialist who, through media appearances and public speaking events, teaches how to recognize and prevent child sexual abuse.

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This article features images from the award-winning picture book What Does It Mean To be Safe? All rights reserved. Images used on MCA Blog with permission.

This post was originally posted on the now-defunct Mom’s Choice Matters blog on 6/29/2013.

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