Dan Gilbert
Communications Coordinator for Primrose Schools

Wanting your children to have table manners may seem like an old-fashioned notion to some, but table manners do have a place in the modern world. Table manners will help your children in social situations later in life and help them see how their actions affect the people around them. It helps them learn that being polite and tasteful is something they should expect from themselves and others.

Life is busy for most modern families, but taking the time to eat dinner together is essential to teaching table etiquette. “To make your family mealtime special and relaxing, slow down, sit and talk with your children and expect good behavior.  You will be pleasantly surprised at how much easier and enjoyable it will become,” said Dr. Mary Zurn, vice president of education for Primrose Schools. When children learn to be polite with their families, they learn to seek people who behave similarly, thus forming better relationships.

Here are some tips to instill table manners in your children:

• Start young: From the moment your children watch you eat and listen to your language with them while they are eating, they are learning behaviors. They learn different levels of manners at different points in their lives. Children learn to say “please” and “thank you” by watching their parents say them long before the children are able to speak. Set these examples from infancy. Once children are old enough to sit without help, they are old enough to sit at the table with you, so let them. They will imitate you and look for your responses to their behavior.
• Be specific in your praise: General praise such as saying, “Good job” is great. However, specific feedback helps children learn what they are doing right faster. Tell them exactly what they are being praised for and why it was so important. For example say, “Thank you for helping me set the table. I had food in the oven that needed checking and your help saved me from burning it.”
• Converse politely at the table: As soon as children can speak, they can talk with you at the table, allowing them to join the conversation. Speak to your children and allow them to speak in return. This will help turn meals into learning experiences.
• Always behave how you would have your children behave: Emulate what you are teaching your children. Children notice their parents’ behaviors, especially when it contradicts their teaching. If you want your children to be polite at the table, you have to do so at all times too.
• Be consistent: Do the same thing at the table every night. The only thing that should change is the food. Set the table and use your utensils properly. Always say “please” and “thank you” and always expect the same from your children.

About Dan Gilbert

Dan Gilbert is the Communications Coordinator for Primrose Schools, an accredited early childhood education and child care service available in more than 220 schools in 15 states. Gilbert says Primrose School’s foundation is based on a dedicated and passionate group of early childhood professionals providing high quality education with a balance of learning, character development and play.

This post was originally shared on the now-defunct Mom’s Choice Matters blog on October 3, 2011.