Draven Jackson
Blogger | Teacher
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In the words of Faraaz Kazi, “Some people are going to leave, but that’s not the end of your story. That’s the end of their part in your story.” Relationships and love are wonderful and amazing, full of butterflies in your belly and smiles that never seem to end. However, anyone who has ever experienced heartbreak will be the first to tell you that relationships can also be really, really scary.

You shouldn’t shy away from love or try to avoid it entirely because of the fear of heartbreak. Still, it’s good to be levelheaded when it comes to something as intense and vulnerable as romantic relationships. And if you’re someone who has gone through heartbreak and come out the other side – or is still working towards finding your way out – it’s always important to remember that you’re not alone.

Here are some difficult truths about relationships and heartbreak that can help you find hope at the end of the tunnel and build stronger, more secure relationships in the future.

Personal boundaries are necessary

When it comes to relationships – especially the ones that find us after we’ve experienced the pain of heartbreak – having boundaries isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can be incredibly healthy to establish baseline boundaries with your partner. Not everyone is ready to start a relationship at the same speed and intensity as the person they’re dating, so it’s okay to discuss your personal needs with your partner and go at the speed you’re both the most comfortable with.

With any relationship, each person comes into the situation with their own baggage from past partners and experiences, and being willing to grow from those experiences is a great way to evolve as a person. But it also means that you’re going to recognize things you do and don’t like in your relationships, so it’s good to make those needs and boundaries clear to your partner early on to ensure that the new relationship has the sturdiest foundation possible.

Communication is essential

In absolutely every relationship you will ever experience, communication is essential. Many of the couples I know that experience the heartbreak of separating were unable to properly communicate their thoughts, feelings, and needs with their partner. Having open lines of communication with your loved ones allows the relationship to grow and flourish, so don’t be afraid to talk about your thoughts and feelings with the person you’re considering a future with.

However, open communication doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll work everything out immediately. Some arguments or moments of tension take time to resolve, and sometimes they aren’t even as important or intense as they may seem in the moment. It’s okay at times to go to bed angry – forced or ineffective communication can lead to further problems. Try to see if sleep can calm some of the tension and come back to the conversation well-rested and clear-headed.

You SHOULD have expectations

One thing I’ve learned from my personal relationships and experiences with heartbreak is that you should have expectations regarding your love life. Too often I hear friends complain about all the ways their partners make them unhappy, and yet they are willing to stay with them because they feel like they can’t really find anything better.

Here’s the thing: when it comes to dating, you’re sacrificing your time, energy, and money to the pursuit of finding someone to spend your life with. It’s completely alright to be picky or expect your partner to meet certain personal standards because if you’re going to be with someone for the rest of your life, you should actually like them as a person. Instead of simply settling and finding someone to fill the quota of “partner,” look for a person that adds value and happiness to your life and makes you happy to wake up to them each morning. The search may take longer, but you’ll be more grateful for the outcome in the long run.

Sometimes it’s the right person at the wrong time

Unfortunately, not all relationships end in “happily ever after” and sometimes we have the experience of finding the perfect person, but realizing their lives don’t match ours. Maybe they want different things or maybe we can only know them for a short time – regardless, the impact they have on us can be incredibly substantial if they’re someone who is able to meet all our expectations and standards.

The perfect person doesn’t always mean the perfect relationship, but that doesn’t diminish their importance in our lives and in our stories. Every relationship adds to our life in some way, whether it’s helping us know what we do and don’t want in future relationships or fostering personal character growth. Don’t be afraid to pursue relationships that may seem ultimately fruitless if it’s with someone who makes you undeniably happy – there’s always room for a different future, so it’s okay to spend your energy simply accepting the happiness you’ve found right now.

Being friends with your ex isn’t always healthy for healing

One of the hardest things I ever learned from my relationships and my moments of heartbreak was that being friends with your ex isn’t always a good idea. While your ex-partner may have been someone you adored and your best friend, if you are struggling with personal healing after the end of the relationship it may not be healthy to keep them around. After a relationship is over, too many negative emotions can taint the friendship that you’re trying to protect.

Healing requires space and time, so it’s okay to take a step away from them while working on taking care of yourself. Also, cutting people off doesn’t mean you hate them or are angry about what happened – it simply means you’re putting your interests first and working to take care of your needs. Only once you’re healed and ready will you be able to effectively rekindle the friendship with your partner.

Not everyone falls out of love right away

Heartbreak is always painful, but it’s especially hurtful when the process of falling out of love feels one-sided. Not everyone will be ready for the relationship to end at the same time, and it’s completely okay to need more time to grieve. Whether or not your partner is able to move on faster than you can has nothing to do with you or your importance – their grieving process may just look different than yours.

It’s okay to know that you’re done with a relationship and move on quickly, and it’s also alright to need more time to let go. Grieving the loss of a relationship isn’t a linear or equal process, and there will be a lot of bumps and setbacks along the way that will differ from person to person. At the end of it all, don’t rush trying to heal, but don’t give up either.

Do you have more honest or difficult truths about relationships and heartbreak? Tell us in the comments!

About Draven Jackson

Draven is an avid writer and reader who enjoys sharing her opinions on movies, books, and music with the rest of the world. She will soon be working as a teacher in Japan and hopes to use her experience to connect with other teachers and students around the globe. Draven spends most of her time at home with her family, her dogs, and her ferret.

To see more, view all posts by Draven Jackson here.

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