Katie Bassett
Blogger

Getting into fights?
Frequently receiving detention?
Becoming increasingly aggressive?
Not accepting responsibility for actions?
Wanting to fit into the ‘popular’ crowd?
Acting too competitively?

Are these tendencies of your very stereotypical teenager or are they signs that your very own child may be bullying others?

How to Identify Bullying

We have all read about the signs to look out for to determine if your child is a bully, but aren’t the signs pretty similar to every typical pre-teen rebelling against life? Not to say that every child will frequently receive detention or continuously cause altercations, but actions like the ones previously mentioned aren’t necessarily valid indicators of your child bullying others.

Therefore, it’s time to expand our focus from these characteristics to determine how your child is acting when total adult supervision is absent. Instead of looking for these signs of bullying, consider what exactly causes bullying.

Factors to Consider

1. Intentions that could be driving the bullying. Bullying is intentional harm, so if your suspicions are high, take a look at what could be influencing their behaviors. It is important to find the root cause if you want the bullying to end.
2. The overall household dynamic.  If there is aggression or pent up frustration in the household, that could definitely translate to unwanted aggression in the classroom.
3. Online behaviors. You want to give their child freedom to avoid any unwanted rebelling actions, but be wary of what they are doing online. Their behaviors here can indicate what is going on in social settings.
4. How does your child feel about themselves? Often, if a child feels either entitled or abandoned, he or she will act out in an aggressive behavior, which might lead to bullying others.

Resolve Bullying

If you do find out that your child is the culprit of bullying, try your best to remain calm and remember that a child’s actions can be changed. No one is born as a bully, and you can help your child alter their behaviors and resolve peer relationships that might be tarnishing. Below are some helpful tips a parent can follow to improve the situation.

Tips for Parents if Their Child is A Bully

1. Listen to what others have to say about your child’s behavior and talk to teachers and other parents that see your child on a regular basis. Getting a third party perspective might be difficult to hear, as a parent, but it allows you to see the bigger picture of the situation.
2. Ask for your child’s story. Before accusing your child, ask very open ended questions about the situation. Children don’t usually seek help from adults because they don’t feel they are heard.
3. Explain the harm that is done when someone is bullied. “How would you feel if you were called these names or harassed in that manner.” A reality check generally resides well with kids at a younger age. Most learn through experiences, and while we don’t want our child to be bullied, we need to bring up how a bullied child can be hurt physically, emotionally, and psychologically. This can be extremely beneficial to execute right after your child explains the bullying situation.
4. Teach empathy and compassion by example. Harsh, sarcastic behaviors at home can translate to the classroom or in other settings with their peers. Be aware of the environment your child is in (household, sport practices, friends’ home, etc) to ensure a positive atmosphere.
5. Be proactive with teachers and other school personnel and don’t feel judged in the situation. The faculty will work best with you when they see you sincerely want to improve the situation. Schedule a meeting with the teacher and principle to get a better understanding of what is going on and work as a team to work out consequences- in and outside of the classroom. Their support system will take you far in such difficult position.

About Katie Bassett

Katie primarily focuses her research and writing efforts on youth safety and development. Right now, she is concentrating on advocacy projects for Mayor Law.

View all posts by Katie Bassett here.