Aegean Thompson
Blogger at thepreggoplanner.com | Mom
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A week before Christmas 2014, as I was preparing some homemade gifts, I felt a sudden gush of blood. This was totally unexpected as I was 7 weeks. pregnant. As I looked down at the blood my body shot into a state of panic. What does this mean? Surely it’s not a good sign! What do I do?
I settled on the obvious, going to the ER, as my doctor’s office was closed. There they pocked and prodded me and ran their tests. All they could leave me with was a 50/50 chance of whether or not this was a miscarriage. A week later I finally received the dreaded confirmation, I had in fact miscarried.
Immediately your mind runs to “What did I do wrong?” or “What is wrong with me?” Though the cause is almost always something that was completely out of your control. Your unborn baby’s life flashes before your eyes. All the pretty bows and pink outfits if it were a girl, all the future sports games if it were a boy…You already spent so much time day-dreaming about what you want for this child. Then in an instant it is just gone.
Men don’t seem to quite understand why a miscarriage hurts so much. Yes the baby was hardly ever there at all, but the mothering connection starts instantly. They have had no connection, until they have seen it on the screen or heard it’s heart beat. Otherwise, it is not real to them.
How do you move on from such a heart-breaking thing? You just do. You have to accept that there is nothing you can do to change things, and you have to just find a way to be happy and get past it. Nothing anyone says or does will help. Though it can be helpful to talk with other women who have also experienced miscarriage. I can help not make you feel so alone in the issue.
Throw yourself into things you love, spending time with family, even cooking or cleaning. Whatever can take your mind off of things. Also, think about all the many blessing you already have in your life. Relish in those things! Especially if you already have children, be thankful that they are here in your life and give all your love to them.
I will say that even though I already have son, it felt irrelevant to the situation. I felt at first, “Should I be guilty for feeling so sad when I already have a child, when so many women aren’t able to have any?” The thing is that this was a little life, maybe it didn’t get very far but it was still there growing inside of you. You have every right to be sad at the loss, regardless of whatever else is going on in your life. It definitely helps to get over the loss more quickly when you already have a child.
Know that it is unlikely to have another miscarriage just because you have had one. You may still feel a lot of fear over trying again, and thinking it’s a risk to have another miscarriage. It may feel this way at first, but time will heal and things won’t look as glum. You will find the strength you need to try again. It is ok though, to give yourself plenty of time to recover—emotionally and physically.
All things will come when the time is right and will work out for the greatest good! Hang in there and keep chugging. This too shall pass! Please comment and share your story so we can all lend each other support.
XOXO Aegean
This post was originally posted at thepreggoplanner.com on 1/6/15.
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0 Comments on “Moving Past a Miscarriage”
Do you ever really move on from something like this
I went through 5 miscarriages with 3 needing to be Dandc. It was difficult and I still grieve for the losses. I never gave up Hope even though I wanted to and I had my miracle my son. He is now 16
I had a miscarriage 16 years ago till this day my heartaches. Although I had other children I always wonder what life would have been like with her here. What her personality would be like,how she looks. I love you very much sweet angel.
In December of 2006 I moved to Alaska with my boyfriend at the time who was in the Air Force!! We had such an amazing time and shortly after found out we were pregnant!! We were so excited until that day happened!! I was 10 weeks pregnant and felt an awful cramp in my stomach!! I ran to the bathroom and the worst happened!! I had a miscarriage and the pain you feel emotionally and physically is unbearable!!!! But you learn to let it pass!! I will never forget but now I have a smart 7 year old son, a feisty 2 year old daughter and the most loving and supportive fiancee!!
Thanks for sharing, Amber. Sounds like you have a lovely family.
So sorry for your lose, I have had many miscarriages, I was on the NuvaRing not wanting to have a child at this time but when I would get pregnate, I stopped it as soon as I found out and would loose them after 8 to 10 weeks. I finally stop using it. But had a real melt down as I drove home….why! Why was all I could cry out! It isna hard blow to carry 4 babies for 8 to 10 weeks
Thanks for sharing your difficult story, Natalie. Wish you the best.
Thanks for sharing I have been thru this 4 times and it’s not easy at all! I blamed myself and still do sometimes. I am 36 and the happy ending I am currently 22 weeks I just pray things keep going good, I had a still born daughter and that’s the hardest I’ve been thru!
So sad, and I’m sorry for your loss. I miscarried twins early in my pregnancy 8 years ago. I look at it as, if I had carried full term, I would have gotten fixed/tube tied after their birth, and i wouldn’t have my youngest son that I have today.
It’s so hard to get your feelings back in check. But when u do u know that there with u always
Thank you for sharing and being open about your experience. I have never had to deal with this but have had several girlfriends that have and this gives me some insight.
I have had 2 or 3 miscarriages and the first thing I asked myself was “What did I do wrong?” It is so hard to move past a miscarriage. I’m so sorry that you have to go thru that.
Alyson, thank you for sharing so openly. Sorry that you went through those hard times as well.
Heartbreaking read my friend after 3 years is still finding it difficult
I’m sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I too, had a miscarriage and you would swear you were hemorrhaging if you did not know any better. It was awful. But, time does indeed heal all wounds. I had three children at the time, but it was still difficult. I had one more child a few years later. Blessings to you!