Rachel Kiser
Blogger | Mom of Two
Social media is something that many people, myself included, love to hate.
I realize it most when seasons like the current one are upon us. November is rapidly approaching, and as the political climate heats up, so do our newsfeeds. Opinions become apparent as articles are posted, statements are made, and debates are stricken.
And, without fail, every time there is a pertinent issue in our society, political, social or otherwise, I see a number of these statuses posted by friends on my timeline:
“I am so tired of people sharing their opinions on Facebook. Not the place.”
I used to agree, at least somewhat. In those days, a decade ago, Facebook was a new, fun extracurricular; it was a novelty. Nobody I knew was using other means of social media, and every Facebook status was a very blunt and plain “Rachel Kiser is _________”. I utilized it to post inside jokes, where I was going that evening, Mac photobooth pictures of me and my roommate, or major life updates.
Times have changed rapidly in the past ten years, though. Now, my peers and I get the bulk of our news off of various social media channels. Facebook itself is a marketplace of ideas. It’s a never ending source of headlines, products, and opinions, and you only have to look one place to find it. It’s incredible. I can hop online and get advice and encouragement in parenting, share pictures with my friends, and hear what’s happening all around the world… and it’s at my fingertips within seconds.
A common thread among the opinion-sharing naysayers is that nobody’s minds are changed by a Facebook status or discussion. But is that really true? If you are someone who uses social media to gather information about the things that interest you, but are unmoved by a logical and heartfelt dialogue within a debate simply because it’s on Facebook, it may be a problem of pride.
Here’s the thing. You know how sometimes, when you’re in a verbal altercation with someone face-to-face, it can be a battle to actually listen to the words coming out of their mouth rather than thinking of what you’re going to respond with as soon as they stop talking? It’s even harder online. One can simply scroll past the words of the person they’re talking to and get right down to formulating their meticulously-worded rebuttal. It’s easy to simply not listen, to not hear the other person. We become so entrenched in their own stances that we go into these discussions only wanting to change, not to be changed. This is a problem.
I can say with surety that my mind, heart, and viewpoints have been altered by things I’ve read or been told on social media. One of the beautiful things about these platforms is that there are real people behind the words being shared, which makes it all deeply personal. When someone presents to you anecdotes from their own lives and experiences (and the conclusions they’ve come to because of these things), it can be convincing and hard-hitting. It’s more compelling than raw facts and statistics.
The internet exposes us almost immediately to swaths of people who aren’t in our immediate circle of influence. There is a greater chance of diversity; racial, gender, economic, political, religious, and otherwise. I truly believe that it could be, that it is, a way that our world can further come together in understanding and mediation, if we let it.
I am no longer under any illusion that my notions alone are enough to inform my opinions on the things that matter. Because of the network that Facebook and other platforms have created, I am able to draw on the diverse knowledge and experiences of others. I don’t solely desire to share; I want the humility to be taught. I want to have enough respect to be told I’m wrong, or to be challenged, without my nerves or temper getting the better of me.
It needs to be emphasized, though: we ought not sacrifice real, in-person relationships and conversations for the sake of discourse on the internet. Words exchanged on a screen don’t hold a candle to studying another person’s facial expressions and mannerisms when discussing things that matter. I think that this is something those who oppose opinion-sharing online fear will happen, and rightly so. So take every opportunity to share and listen. Let’s utilize the various avenues we have.
As I grow older, I’m striving to listen to, learn from, and interact with important ideas in my online discussions and life in general. What are some ways your views have been challenged by things that have been shared on social media, if any?
About Rachel Kiser
Rachel is a wife and mother living in Raleigh, North Carolina. She’s a fan of good coffee, wearer of gray t-shirts, and is constantly starting books she will never finish. Her family is her joy, and she loves to engage with other moms and dads on matters of parenting. Her blog posts have also been featured on the Today Show Parenting Blog and Scary Mommy.
21 Comments on “Life in the Comments Section: Why Facebook Discussions Are Important”
It is considerably more difficult on the internet. One need just scroll through the other person’s statements in order to begin composing a well phrased retort, which can be done in record time thanks to modern technological advancements. It is so simple to not listen at all, to ignore what the other person is saying. We get so ingrained in their own positions that when we enter into these dialogues, our primary goal is to change rather than to be transformed by the other party. This presents a challenge.
In-person relationships seem to be fewer these days it just seems easier to just send a text or pm…..i see myself doing it all the time where as once i called and we caught up on things.Oh my it seems we may be drifting away.
That’s definitely true, Kathy! It takes a lot more intention to have real, deep, in-person conversation and relationships. I think the two can exist hand in hand if we make an effort, though!
Thank you for this blog slot of good information, I will be using alot of these great tips…
Thanks for commenting, Ruth!
Enjoyed your article and look forward to reading more from you!
So glad you enjoyed it, Linda! Looking forward to interacting more with you.
Great article, So many people post too much of their lives out there. I love interacting on social media but I always remember what my mom told me. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
It is so important to be kind in your interactions, I agree with you and your mom, Sherry!
I like reading comments on stories. I also like leaving feedback if it is something that I can relate to. The one thing I do not like is sometimes the way people read things is not the way the person writing them meant fot the to be heard. So they may take it the wrong way. Communication involves so many asects and a lot of the cues may be missed by just writing a comment.
Kathleen, you are SO right. Internet communication can be so difficult because of the lack of facial expressions and tone of voice. It is so good to talk to people who are passionate and knowledgeable about certain topics, isn’t it? Especially when we can discuss matters in an encouraging way.
Facebook comment are frustrating to me because I see a lot of people posting stuff they’d never say to someones face.
Melissa, you’re so right. People can be cowardly and hide behind their screens. It’s difficult to see sometimes, isn’t it?
I love your article, I find it interesting what people share and I learn a lot reading those post. I don’t like when people verbally abuse someone, even if I know that someone did wrong and for that reason I left a group. I voice my opinion that even though the person cheated, there was no reason to bash her. Well I wasn’t ready to handle the comments, I left so I’m careful now with my replies. So I’m trying to be better at communication skills. I’m french and even though I use English more often, I still think french.
Carole, it is so kind of you to be mindful of other peoples’ feelings, even though you yourself have been hurt by online communication. I think you communicate beautifully! Thank you for your thoughtful interaction. Feel free to share more thoughts at any time!
I agree no one’s opinion changes.Enjoyed your article.
Thanks, Nancy!
Im with you on nobody’s minds are changed by a Facebook status honestly people put to much out their about themselves and their opinions.when i read i like facts not opinions . I seem to find in these pass few years Facebook is like a unsupervised playground in some ways.
It definitely can be, Kathy! You can’t quite know sometimes who you’re talking to. Sometimes people are way more uncharitable and ugly than they would be in real life, because they’re hiding behind a screen.
Love it! This is something I find frustrating, as well. I typically find the people who post those things are either anti-confrontation or don’t use social media for news/updates/interactive exchanges. But, like you, I’ve been changed by friends’ comments, articles I read, and ideas shared. Not all have changed my mind, but my views of others have changed, my ability to practice the art of the written argument has (I hope) improved, and I strive to be continually more open to the ideas shared by others.
Thanks for writing this piece, Rachel!
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Kirsten! I almost put a blurb about that in there. I know there are plenty of people who don’t use Facebook for that purpose– and that is OKAY. But man, is it beneficial to learn from and listen to people who are more thought-out on issues than I currently am. Not a bad idea to use it to brush up on your own communication skills. Thanks for interacting!