Rachel Kiser
Blogger | Mom of Two

My husband and I just got back from a weekend trip, out-of-state, and left our children at home. We’ve done it before, and we’ll definitely be doing it again.

I immediately feel tempted to defend myself by impressing upon you what a loving and involved parent I am, because I know that there are parents and non-parents alike who judge our decision to vacation alone together. They believe that the days of romantic getaways are long gone once children enter the picture. That it’s wrong, or even negligent, to leave your children overnight. Oh, I could never do that, they say.

My mind won’t be changed, though. We traveled before we had kids, we travel now that we have kids, and we will travel long after they’re out of the house. Here are some of the reasons why:

Lack of interruptions. I am pretty sure we are not the only family on earth who has the hardest time sharing cohesive stories or thoughts with the chaos of daily life going on around us. Often I find myself asking my husband about his day at the dinner table, but before long, we’ve both given up and simply resign to talk about it after the kids are in bed.

Getting away together enables conversation to flow. Instead of giving one another the cliff notes, there is time (and more importantly, energy) to go deeper. To connect. Remind yourselves that you not only love, but like one another, and why! Reminisce over your history and what brought you together in the first place. Laugh. Tell inappropriate jokes. Flirt.

We are more than parents. I am more than ‘mom’. My husband is more than ‘dad’. Although parenting has brought me alive in so many ways, I have passions and desires that are apart from my beautiful children, too. While I am content knowing that a number of my interests must take the back seat because of this unique stage of life, not all of them do.

When you steal away for more than just a few hours every month or so, you have time to fully shut off from ‘parent mode’ so that you can more fully enter into ‘wife/husband mode’. There is no expectation of going home to pay the sitter, or the looming and inevitable 6 a.m. wake up call. You can have that second (or third!) cocktail, sit back in your seat, and relish being together without having to quickly snap back to regimented life.

My relationship with my husband is #1. When people shake their heads in judgment of vacations sans children, It further pushes us to believe that the parent-child bond is more important than the husband-wife bond… and I don’t buy into that at all. Quite the contrary, I believe my relationship with my husband is more of a priority, and more integral to the health of my family, than the one I have with my children.

Before anyone gets offended, let me clarify that holding our marriage in the highest regard is also for their good; we ascribe to the notion that giving our kids two parents who are in love and deeply committed to one another is the best thing for them. When my husband and I hash out the memories and sentiments that we hope our children reflect on when they’re older, we always say that we hope they remember that mommy and daddy kissed a lot, laughed often, and that we were solid.

When you are in the thick of child-rearing, the lack of relationship essentials like free time, sleep, and sex can feel like a wedge driven between you and your significant other. At times, the demands of the days and weeks can take their toll. Sometimes you feel like ships passing in the night. Sometimes you snap at one another. Sometimes you want to collapse into bed instead of spending time together.

When you’re giving all of yourself to raising your children, day in and day out, I believe it is both deserved and necessary to carve out extended time away so that you can focus on one another. We moms like to discuss the importance of self-care; Marriage-care should be right up there on the priority list, as well.

I understand all that it takes to make something like this happen. Everyone’s situation is different. Not everybody has reliable childcare available. There may be certain obstacles with your child’s development or health that inhibit a trip at this time. For us, it means waiting until our children are weaned and have passed the point of separation anxiety. Maybe your marriage thrives without extended time alone– that’s wonderful! Regardless, my encouragement to you, and to myself, is to continue to nurture all of the relationships within your family unit. They’re important, and they all depend on each other for health and wholeness.

About Rachel Kiser

Rachel is a wife and mother living in Raleigh, North Carolina. She’s a fan of good coffee, wearer of gray t-shirts, and is constantly starting books she will never finish. Her family is her joy, and she loves to engage with other moms and dads on matters of parenting. Her blog posts have also been featured on the Today Show Parenting Blog and Scary Mommy.

View all posts by Rachel Kiser here.